How to approach the schools and receive results
Mrs. Moore came into the classroom screaming at the teacher, “How could you allow this bullying to go on? Matt says he has been bullied almost daily by three boys.” The teacher Mr. Lee asks, “I have not seen anything and Matt has not come to me. Where and when does this place?” “I don’t know but I want it stopped.” said Mrs. Moore. This is the wrong way to approach school personnel on the topic of bullying. First, coming into a classroom screaming is not going to work. Second, not knowing where, when, or who will not help solve this issue. What was she expecting? Mr. Lee to reply, oh yes I see Matt being punched all the time but I ignore it. We honestly do not know what Mr. Lee has seen if anything at all.
As the parent you must be your child’s advocate. This is where the saying that your strongest defense is a strong offense can be helpful. To begin with it is nice to know that each state has specific rules, regulations, and procedures that many parents are not aware of. Research the guidelines, expectations for your school district and responsibilities of the school administrators. To hold school personnel accountable you will need to know their responsibilities. Do not be surprised if your district gives you the run around. A good place to begin your search is your state’s Department of Education web site and then your local school district’s web site.
You want to enter the school with the goal of working with the staff as if you’re on the same team. Working together instead of attacking each other will work much better and will be easier for your child. Then you must document everything, if it isn’t documented then it didn’t happen said one police officer. You will sound much more credible saying, “On Tuesday at lunch Billy hit Matt, on Thursday at recess there were two boys who kicked him off the swings and threw rocks at him.” The more information you can get from your child the better your documentation. If the school personnel say, “We will do whatever we can, but we can’t watch each student each minute.” Do not accept this answer. Your child can’t have you accepting this and just saying okay and leaving. The school does have a moral and legal obligation to provide a safe learning environment. In a Bergen, Norway study it was found that the attitudes of the teachers toward bullying/victim problems and the teachers behavior in bullying situations are of major significance for the amount of bullying problems in the school and class.
Here is a list of steps to follow:
1. Document each bullying incident.
2. Contact your child’s teacher.
3. Contact the schools administrative office in writing.
4. Request a meeting.
5. In the meeting discuss your documentations. Give copies of your documents to the administration.
6. You want to know how such behavior goes un-noticed. Take notes.
7. Document what action would be done according to the schools administration. Do not be surprised if they will not share this information with you.
8. You will want to know a time frame for taking action.
9. Ask for a written copy of what was discussed.
10. Follow up to make sure these actions were followed through with.
11. Keep going up the ladder to the superintendent and school board.
12. Again, know the schools level of accountability according to the law.
13. Don’t quit, see an attorney if needed. You can also contact the police and then follow this by contacting the media. These are solutions that the schools will hate.
14. If you do not receive the desired results to end these situations then one option is to place your child in a different school. You can pull your child from a public school at any time. We feel someone must be an advocate for the child and you’re that advocate.
Derek is a parent coach and has customized programs
for corporations, schools, and parent groups for putting the fun back into
parenting and protecting your child/student from bullying. He can be reached at Parent Smart from the Heart, 1-866-89-SMART or 847-853-4308, or info@randelconsulting.com
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