Bullying – what are your child’s options

By Derek Randel

Mark told his son that if anyone bullies you then you punch him in the mouth and he won’t bother you again. Is this good advice? Does this always work? Can every child handle these directions? What happens if the bully is a girl or his son is the victim of cyberbullying?

Our job as parents, teachers, and adults is to provide tools for our children to handle the bullies. Empowering your child to handle the situation is the best way to get involved. We need to be aware of different strategies because what works for one may not work for all victims. Telling the child to fight is usually the wrong message since most victims are physically smaller, and not as aggressive as the one doing the bullying. When I was growing up, fighting the bully was how I handled it and it worked. Today, society is different. Fighting is not suggested. Schools have come up with ridiculous “zero tolerance” rules. Fighting back can get you expelled today. I believe zero tolerance equals zero common sense. The way your child is taught to handle these situations makes the difference between life being tolerable and being intolerable. Here are messages that must send to our children:

1. Remember you’re not the problem, the bully is.
2. You have the right to feel safe and secure at all times.
3. Be proud of what makes you different.
4. Go to school everyday, you have every right to be there. These are just words and mean nothing if we do not follow up on these statements. The child needs to know that we are there to support them.

What options should be presented to anyone who is a victim of bullying?

1. Spend your time with your friends. There is a reduced chance of being a victim when you’re with others compared to being alone.

2. If possible ignore the bully or tell him/her to stop. Walk away instead of standing there listening to someone’s garbage.

3. Always tell an adult – a trusted one like a teacher, principal, parent, someone in your family. This is the way to getting help and who cares if someone says you’re a snitch. Is it better to just get beat up?

4. Stay in safe areas of the school during lunch and breaks. Do not go to the bathroom alone, or walk around alone on the playground.

5. Always stay where there are plenty of other people; never wander off on your own.

6. Sit near the driver on the bus. Refuse to go to the back of the bus where the bullies may be sitting.

7. On your way to and from school, vary the route if possible. Walk with other people even if they’re younger or older.

8. If you receive threatening phone calls or e-mails, contact the police. This is considered harassment and is a criminal offense.

9. Consider martial arts training (Karate, judo). This helps numerous children with their self-confidence.

10. Learn one-liners. These are short lines to stop being pulled into an argument. You can find these in our parenting book or by contacting us.

11. Avoid eye contact. This can get the bully started and also it may show your fear.

12. Increase your number of friends. Let’s teach our children how to be a friend.

13. Look at your body language. Are you confident and powerful or timid and worried? Do you try not to be noticed by looking at the ground? This makes you look defensive and vulnerable. Instead carry your head high, shoulders back, chest out and walk like you own the place.

The goal of going over these options is to show a victim that there are options. To act on these choices one must take action.

Derek is a parent coach and has customized programs for corporations, schools, and parent groups for putting the fun back into parenting and protecting your child/student from bullying. He can be reached at Parent Smart from the Heart, 1-866-89-SMART or 847-853-4308, or info@randelconsulting.com