Bystanders, the secret to reducing bullying

By Derek Randel

If you’re not the victim and you’re not the bully then you fall into the category of bystander. Sitting on the sidelines observing what is happening and being glad it is not happening to you. You now have a choice, you can contribute to the solution or you can contribute to the problem. Bullying in schools is frequently a spectator sport. Bullies enjoy having a crowd. Many spectators cheer on the bullies because they’re too scared they will become targets. The result of being a bystander can be the lost of self-respect and self-concept for the observer.

Many school shootings have been adverted due to students telling the teacher than student X brought a gun to school. This is becoming a weekly happening. When one person has the moral strength to stand up to the bully then the violence can be adverted.

Some factors involved in getting students to step in include; if they believed this action is expected of friends, if they have helped out in the past, and how the spectator feels about the victim. Girls appear to help support the victim more than the boys. Many feel it is better to inform a teacher rather than stepping in and supporting the victim.

Some factors on why students do not get involved include; the bully just may be a friend, the victim is not my friend, the victim is a loser and deserves it, it is none of my business, sometimes the student just does not know what to do, and students do not want to be known as a narc (snitch).

SOLUTIONS

• Teach the difference between tattling and telling.  Tattling is when you are trying to get someone in trouble while telling in a bullying situation is trying to get someone out of trouble (or a uncomfortable situation).
• Teach empathy through classroom exercises.
• It is easier to get the spectators involved among younger children therefore do not wait for middle school to begin teaching these solutions.
• Have discussions of bystander behavior in school and in the home.
• Ask questions, what would you do and why? Provide opportunities for role-playing.
• Work with the students who say they wouldn’t become involved. Are they fearful and why?
• Talk about situations where it would be better to get a teacher instead of getting involved. This can be when a weapon is involved.
• Once again this will take all adults to address this issue.
• Teach how to reach out and befriend the victim.

We need to realize that the bystander is affected by watching the bullying. This includes:

• Guilt for not getting involved
• Feeling helpless
• Anger
• Nightmares

            
Many times the bystanders join in on the bullying. These are the followers of the world. To help make your child become more of a leader than a follower and accept responsibility for his decisions then use the power of choices. There is a right way and wrong way to use choices. This is covered in our book, Parent Smart From the Heart.